Getting my life back together

Oh, hey.  So for the last few years I've been all over the place.  I mean that physically, mentally, spiritually, the whole shabang.  In an effort to recenter myself and quiet down to listen to my spirit, follow my heart, and chase my dreams I've decided to slow down, step back, and unplug.  I'm still in the PhD program at Meharry.  I will PRAYERFULLY defend my thesis work by August 2017.  These days, nothing is guaranteed but I'm going to really work hard and fight for this one.  School and life in the world has given me SO much anxiety, stress, depression, and health issues that I'm just over it.  I had to be honest with myself and admit that I honestly don't like research anymore.  Yikes.  I know that sounds ABSOLUTELY absurd from someone getting a PhD in Biomedical Research with a concentration in Microbiology & Immunology.  Anywho, I've felt SO much liberation in just admitting that to myself.  A large part of completing this degree at this point in my life is really unpacking what my priorities are in life and what I envision my next move to be if it's not academia or working at someone's research bench.  The world is my oyster.  This is exciting and scary all at the same time.  Anyway, this post isn't about school.  It's about getting my life- the whole thing.  I decided I want to document this whole journey.  I have no idea where it will take me or what I'm doing but I really feel it deep down in my soul that I'm going to do something meaningful and impactful in the world- heck I've already been doing that but still.  Writing helps me to be accountable to myself.  Okay mostly it helps me to sort out my thoughts and stuff- give me clarity and also a sense of release.

Anywho, just wanted y'all to know that I'm alive.  One day I'll catch you up on all the things-ok no I won't...dis tew much.  I think I'll just keep moving forward and just include reflective pieces that give context by telling past stories.  So to kick things off I deleted facebook.  I've also taken a step back from both school and the social justice scene. I've been doing the most- the absolute most.  I'm taking a step back from organizing because I need to graduate.  I'm taking a step back from school because I hate it and my capacity is low right now so I'm literally doing the MINIMUM to graduate...done doing extra things to fluff a resume or CV for a field that I don't want to work in.  I've never participated in Lent.  I don't think I ever fully understood it really and how it was any different from a fast.  Especially since most people picked whatever thing they let go for 40days back up at the end of it.  One of my Spelman sisters shared this post :

It helped me to better understand Lent.  I'm not participating at the moment because I'm all over the place just trying to keep my head on and realized I'm late anyway.  BUT, I did purchase a 40day devotional called 40day Journey with Howard Thurman.  I'm only on day 4 so far.  It's sometimes a struggle to remember to do it each morning but I'm off to a good start.  It also asks that you journal each day on the journey.  I'm going to hold to that during Lent and include my journal entries here for 40days.  In addition to the devotional, I'm finally going to make an appointment with a therapist/counselor/whatever you call it.  I think it would help me to transition to this next phase of my life and not be overwhelmed.  I need to be more kind to myself and my body.  Running myself to the point of exhaustion isn't cool or healthy.  I'm learning to rest.  I've just picked up unhealthy habits in grad school that I can't WAIT to get rid of.  Anyway friends, take care of yourselves.  Unplug if you need to and rest.  Protect your spirit and your mind.  Be mindful of the things you allow into your life.  That's not to say be an ostrich with its head stuck in the sand ignoring the world around you but balance is key.  Balance often times looks like a swinging pendulum instead of a balanced scale and that's ok.  OK it's 8:45PM and I'm actually going to leave lab at a somewhat decent hour tonight so let me go before this timer goes off.  Until we meet again! ok no...until I write my journal entry for my devotional...which should technically be tonight when I get home since I didn't do it this morning ahhhhhh :/

-Jess